


Target of Affection

by darlingdisastrous



Series: Me and My Husband - Anthology [4]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Age Difference, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arranged Marriage, Assassins, Bad Flirting, Bad Puns, Bloodlust, Courting Rituals, Courtship, Discovery, Emotionally Constipated Illumi, F/M, Infidelity?, Miscommunication, Nen (Hunter X Hunter), Older Man/Younger Woman, POV First Person, Reader-Insert, Self-Indulgent, Self-Insert, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Swearing, Yandere Illumi Zoldyck, York New City Ballet, Yorkshin City | Yorknew City (Hunter X Hunter), age gap, bad at feeling, but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:26:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26724364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darlingdisastrous/pseuds/darlingdisastrous
Summary: Out of the blue, Illumi shows up after being missing for months.
Relationships: Illumi Zoldyck/Reader, Original Male Character/Reader
Series: Me and My Husband - Anthology [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1940818
Comments: 5
Kudos: 136





	Target of Affection

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place some time after _Fair Rosaline_

“You’re kidding!”

“I’m not!” insists Haru. “The thing came flying _right at me_ —I saw it coming but I was like ‘ahhh’, and stupid, cause I could’ve moved—and then smashed into my nose.”

I cup my hand over my mouth, partially to stop myself from laughing. “Oh, my God! How bad was it?” 

“It was _broken_ broken. My classmates were screaming, my teacher was screaming - I _blacked out_ and woke up in the principal's office. A couple of my friends just flat out thought I died. My mom had to call a plastic surgeon and everything.” Haru rubs his nose, cringing. “Of course, my dad was completely against it."

"No!"

"Yes! He kept saying ‘it’ll heal up just fine’, 'it'll be fine', 'stop being a baby'; and I’m like ‘Dad! My nose is literally flat!’”

The two of us break into a fit of laughter. Haru takes the moment to slide his hand onto mine, brushing his thumb over the back of my hand. 

“That sounds awful!"

Haru nods, "It was."

"No wonder your nose looks like that,” I tease.

The boy's jaw drops, “Rude!”

But it only makes us laugh more. I turn my palm over and let him weave our fingers together.

This feels nice. I can’t help but smile—at him, at everything around us—even after our laughter has died down. Haru beams back at me, his smile just as bright as my own. He has cute dimples. They make him look even more boyish, and a little mischievous, too.

My thumb taps his own playfully. “I don’t know about a broken nose; but, I can tell you a broken ankle is hell.”

He groans, sympathizing with my pain. “I can imagine—especially since that effects your work!”

I hum, “Yeah. Luckily, I was only an understudy when it happened, so it didn't effect a whole lot. Still, I was sad I couldn’t perform.”

“I need to come and see you some time," Haru thinks aloud.

The thought of him watching me on stage, maybe even bringing me flowers or kissing me good luck before I go on makes me blush. “You don’t have to do that...”

“But I’d like to." He draws up my hand and kisses the backs of my knuckles. "I don’t know a thing about ballet, though, so please don’t judge me too hard.”

“Oh, I will. Just a little.”

A shadow passes over us. Haru looks up, same as I, expecting it to be the waitress. It wasn’t. My smile drops entirely.

“Hey,” greets Illumi.

Haru remains oblivious to my sudden discomfort, smiling up at Illumi with blind ignorance.

“Ah, did the other girl leave?” Haru asks, “That’s a shame, I wanted to leave her a tip...”

I pull my hand away from his, glaring up at Illumi. “What are you doing here?”

“Looking for you," he replies simply. Like it hasn’t been months. Like he doesn’t see me here with another man. "When will you be finished up?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Haru’s confused look. He keeps switching between the two of us like he's watching a tennis match. 

Rolling my eyes, I say, “What’s it to you?”

Illumi shifts back onto his heels and tilts his head. “I’d like to get caught up. It’s been a while.”

_Yeah, no shit._

Briefly, I debated on tossing my drink onto him; but the cup is basically empty and I’m sure Illumi would just deflect it.

“Do you two know each other?” asks Haru.

Illumi responds before I can. “I’m her boyfriend.”

“ _Boyfriend_?” he echoes.

“Boyfriend?” I snort, “That’s rich. I don’t know what makes you think that.”

“You’re upset.” It’s a statement, not a question. Illumi looks me up and down, as if the answer is written somewhere on my body. “I don’t understand.”

My blood boils. Unable to take anymore of this, I turn away from him to Haru. "Let's get out of here, okay?"

Haru's eyebrows knit together; but he doesn't ask any more questions. (Bless him.)

“Sure. My car’s just over there.”

I stand to leave, but Illumi shoots his hand out and grips my shoulder. His hold is vice-like. It isn't painful; it’s not comfortable either.

Illumi says my name softly, "Don't walk away from me. Tell me what's upsetting you."

"Hey, buddy—" Before Haru can finish, he stops abruptly. His eyes go wide.

I'm not facing Illumi, so I can't see him, but I can _feel_ it. Warning bells go off in my head. Illumi's bloodlust rolls off of him in thick wave. I feel like I'm choking in it. For the first time ever, I’m afraid of him.

But Haru? He’s downright terrified. He looks at me with pleading eyes. "I-I'm sorry."

Haru books it out of the outdoor cafe and he doesn't look back. I would’ve called out to him, but the words caught in my throat.

As soon as he's out of sight, Illumi's frigid bloodlust dissipates. He tightens his hold on my shoulder, like he's trying to comfort me, leads me out onto the street. The two of us walk aimlessly along the sidewalk.

With Illumi’s bloodlust gone, I’m able to think again. The realization of _what he just did_ hits me. It’s just another thing to pile onto my Illumi Shit List.

I rip myself from his grasp and spin around to face him. Illumi is looking at me with that same, blank expression he always wears. It only makes me angrier.

"What makes you think you have the right?!"

Illumi doesn’t seem the least bit bothered. "You're going to have to be more specific."

I clench my jaw. "Where should I start? Today? You ruin my date—showing up unannounced after _God_ -knows-how-long and run him off!"

"He was in the way."

"He was _not_ in the way! You were!" I fling my arm at him, not necessarily intending to smack him (though, if I did I wouldn't be upset about it). Illumi catches my wrist effortlessly without bating an eye.

"Is that really why you're upset?" he asks, genuinely curious. "Hm. If that's the case, then I really don't understand. You were the one being unfaithful."

A bitter laugh escapes me. "Unfaithful? _Wow_. Okay. I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that, because you lost the right to care about me and my business a long time ago."

"I'm not following."

But my rant continues, drowning out his useless words. "And, for your information, smartass, that's only the tip of the iceberg!"

Illumi rests his hand on his hip. "Then get to the point."

"You can't just show up after ghosting me for _three months_ and expect me to just be okay with it! You can't just show up after I've moved on and act like nothing's changed! And you certainly can't run off someone who actually treats me right. I don't deserve this, Illumi. I can't even _fathom_ what makes you think we're still together after you're the one who left!"

"I don't understand." Illumi's eyebrows twitch, showing the barest hint of human emotion. "I told you I was leaving."

"No, no, no, no." I step forward and jam my finger in the center of his chest hard, physically driving my point home. " _You_ told me you had to leave town for a few days."

"I didn't say that."

"Yes. You. Did."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did! You said there was business you had to take care of and that it would only take a couple of days."

"That's not how I said it. If a mission only took a couple of days, I wouldn't bother telling you at all. You wouldn't even notice I was gone." Illumi pushes his hair back, annoyed.

"Of course I would, you jerk!" The backs of my eyes burned with unshed tears. I won't cry. Not in front of him. "I'd miss you like hell! I did miss you! I called you so many times, but you never picked up. You never _answered_. I spent weeks wondering what I did to make you lose interest. Jo had to nearly break my arm to go out with _that_ guy."

A dark shadow passed over his face. "She tried to break your arm?"

"It's just a stupid expression!" I pulled away, pressing the heels of my palms against my eyes. "God! Why did you have to come back. I was finally getting over you."

 _I won't cry_ , I told myself, _I won't cry_.

 _I can't cry_.

"I was on a mission," he says, like it explains everything. "I told you I would be gone."

I wrench my hands away from my face, hot tears dripping down my cheeks. "A short business trip doesn't last three months, Illumi!"

His composure only made me hurt more. I wished he would get mad, that he would yell back, or do anything but look at me like _that_. I would give anything to make him stop.

"Hm." Illumi put his finger to his chin. "For me that is short. I assumed you would understand that. My mistake."

Despite everything, I laughed. It was shaky and bitter, before it became a bitter sob. I didn't want to be like this in front of him. I didn't want him to see how much he hurt me, because then he'd know how much I cared. How much I still cared...

Shakily, I inhale and swallowed my sobs. Looking up at him, I plastered a fake smile across my lips. "Look, Illumi. We had four dates, and we had fun. Really. But, I don't think this is going to work out."

His eyes flashed with something that looked like rage, maybe fear. It was gone in an instant. "I have no intention of letting you go."

"Well, that's too damn bad." I dab my shirt sleeve across my cheeks to dry them. "I won't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't communicate. You could've called, or texted, or sent a fucking carrier pigeon. You could've let me know—at the very least—that you were thinking of me."

Illumi stepped forward, closing the space between us. He ghosted his hand across my cheek, collecting a stray tear with his thumb. "You're throwing a fit over something trivial. The only thing I'm at fault for here is thinking you'd understand."

"No. I have every right to feel like this." It feels like I'm trying to convince myself more than him. I push Illumi's hand off me. "Putting all that aside wouldn't change anything. You don't talk to me. I know _nothing_ about you. I don't even know what you do! What kind of job makes three months a 'short trip'."

"It wasn't three months. It was only a little over two."

"And you're avoiding the question again!"

It was a pointless battle. I don't know why I'm still trying to fight it.

 _Because_ , says a tiny voice, _You want him to try and redeem himself._

Illumi says my name, calling my attention back to him. "I'm not hiding anything from you."

"Then tell me something!"

Illumi shrugs, "Ask."

"What do you do for a living?"

He hesatats, "Ask something else."

My fingers twitch. The urge to choke him out is strong, but he's proved time and again that he's much quicker than me. I spin on my heel and walk off. "That's it, I'm done."

I've barely taken a step when Illumi grabs me once more, pulling me flush against him. "The only reason I haven't told you is because I know what your reaction will be. Your feelings will most certainly change. But, if you insist on knowing, then I will tell you on one condition."

The urge to tell him to _fuck off_ was strong; instead, I decided to play along with him. "What's the condition?"

"That you promise you'll still want me."

It's hard not to squirm. "I don't want you much as it is. You can't stoop any lower. Tell me."

Illumi's lips remained firmly sealed, his eyes roaming my face for any signs of weakness. As we stared at one another, I became acutely aware of how close our lips were. He came in closer. For a moment, I thought he'd kiss me.

"I'm an assassin."

"God, Illumi!" The mood was ruined; my ire flared. "Do you really think now's the time to joke?"

"I'm not joking." He glances around us conspicuously. "Have you heard of the Zoldyck family?"

 _The Zoldycks_. Something about the name was familiar. I can vaguely remember reading the name on a headline somewhere. I can also recall Dad mentioning the name before, but that was a long time ago. It never aroused my curiosity so I didn't ask.

I don't tell him all this. Instead, I just say, "Sure."

Illumi nods thoughtfully. "That's my family."

"No, it's not, your name is—" I stop short. In all this time, I can't remember lllumi once giving me his family name. That was just another thing on the list of what he refused to tell me. Of course, at the time it never seemed pressing.

"I see, so you don't know," he murmured. "Usually, my name alone is enough to scare a man. The Zoldyck name is synonymous with death. We are assassins by trade, it's common knowledge. Most everyone knows this. You must live under a rock."

"Hey!"

Illumi whips out his phone—one I had never seen before—and types something in. He hands it to me, and I find myself looking at dozens of web articles about the Zoldycks. They're all nearly identical, all reporting murders of high-profile people. The top result is a bounty. My stomach drops just looking at the number.

"Do you believe me now, or would you prefer to come with me for a demonstration?"

My blood becomes ice. I feel like I might faint. "You ... You're ..."

"Yes."

I think I'm about to be sick. My tears seem to freeze in my tear ducts. My head is spinning, my heart thundering in my ears. This can't be real. Illumi couldn't be ... but, he'd never lied to me before; and those articles ...

Suddenly, I'm all too aware of our surroundings. The street he took me to was off the beaten path. There was no foot traffic at this time of day. We're completely alone.

"Am I your target?" I whisper, "Is that why you've ... you've ...?" I can't make myself finish.

Thankfully, Illumi understands. "No, you aren't a target. At lease, not in that sense."

I look up at him with wide eyes. "Wh-What am I?"

He caresses my face, toying with a strand of hair behind my ear. "The target of my affections."

There is a beat of silence.

"Are you ..." I frown. "Are you trying to make a _joke_ right now?"

"Yes. Did you not like it?"

Firmly, I shake my head, "No."

Unoffended, Illumi hums. "Well, just so you know, I have no intention of hurting you. Killing you would be a waste. I plan to keep you around for a long time." He smoothed his hand over my hair. "I am sorry that my absence hurt you. Perhaps I should've told you about this sooner; but, there's nothing I can do about it now. What's done is done."

It's a lot to take in all at once. I felt more confused about my feelings for him now than I had weeks ago. Did I want to take him back? I don't know. The strain left by the heartache he caused made me reluctant to even consider that. The only thing I knew for sure was that he'd hurt me again, unintentionally or not. And yet ...

"Why me?" I ask timidly.

"Do you mean why do I like you?" I nod, unable to meet his eyes. "I don't know. You fascinate me. I suppose I'm curious as to why that is." He waits a moment, and then adds, "Why do you like me?"

I almost spat out that I didn't—that I was done with him entirely. The words wouldn't come out, though, because it wasn't the truth.

"I know you like me," Illumi continued, "You wouldn't've stayed if you didn't. You wanted to hear me out."

The worst part was, he was right.

"You're cute," I admit. "You're weird. Sometimes, when I'm around you, I feel like I'm interacting with an alien. You don't over think things. You're blunt. The first time we spoke, you were endearing without even trying. You sent me _flowers_. I've never had anyone go to such lengths just to get my attention."

"Good." A small smile spreads across his lips, "Let's go."

He turns to leave, beckoning me to follow.

As much as I want to, my fears make me hesitate. "Wait, Illumi, I don't know..." 

He sighs my name, shaking his head like I'm just some petulant child. "Like I said before, I have no intention of letting you leave me so easily. Come. I want to spend time with you."

Illumi holds out his hand for me to take. I'm shocked. Illumi was never one for excessive physical contact or public displays of affection. I intertwine my fingers with his and allow him to pull me to him. His touch soothed my fears. It was like all he'd left unspoken came crashing down on me. His little hand squeeze told me he missed me. The brush of his thumb told me he cared for me. The look in his eye told me he was sorry.

Maybe this would work out. Maybe we would be okay. 

We just needed to take this slowly.

"Oh. By the way, I don't like that boy from before," said Illumi. "Something will be done about your infidelity. We'll worry about that later. Promise to never see him again."


End file.
